milk carton kid

It was Mother's Day just a few weeks ago. It was a perfect picnic. We were all eating sushi and cake at Central park. I was preoccupied with feeding Noah in his stroller. Simon was playing with special effects on the camera. My sister was talking to my parents about her upcoming move and the craziness going on at work and then all of a sudden Simon says, "Where's Natallie?"  I look up. I don't see her anywhere. I drop the spoonful of mashed potatoes and start running around our picnic table calling her name. My heart starts beating a million times faster. I instantly start thinking the worst, "Oh no, she's gone. Someone has taken her. On Mother's Day. Oh no. Oh God no."

Simon took this picture right before she wandered off

We ran to nearby picnic tables calling her name. I ask a few people if they've seen a little girl with curly brown hair. I start thinking of missing kids on a milk carton (they probably don't do that anymore but you don't think rational thoughts when you're brain is in panic mode).

Then finally, after only a few minutes (although they were horrible, panic stricken minutes), I hear Simon yell, "I GOT HER!"


Thank you Jesus.


Simon was able to think more rationally and decided to check the playground which was sort of in view from our picnic area but still a fairly far distance away from where we were. She was happily climbing up to the slide when Simon found her. Not a clue that everyone else was having severe heart palpitations and speeding up the greying hair process.

ran away to this slide

Anyways, after that incident I have tried really hard to explain to her that she can't wander off but if she ever were to get separated from me, would she be able to tell people her name or my name or anything that would help her get back to me?  She still gets mixed up with her name and how old she is. When people ask, "What's your name?"  she proudly hold up two pudgy toddler fingers and exclaims, "TWO!!!!"

"What's your name?" "TWO!!!"

So I started to do some research into what would be the most durable form of child ID in case she ever got lost again. Ideally, I would like to implant a GPS device in her that would also detect trouble and instantly pepper spray bad people (and maybe mean dogs too) or maybe some sort of protective shield could pop up or give her super powers. But a device like that is not yet on the market so in the meantime while some Dragon Den entrepreneur is working on that idea, I have got these awesome ID bracelets for both kids (not that Noah is going very far these days but if he's anything like his sister, he will learn to go from walking to sprinting away very quickly).

I wanted something durable and kid-proof and essentially have them never, ever take it off until they are 19 and move out. It's a slim silicone band and laser engraved with their name and both mom and dad's phone number. The company actually makes most of the bands for elite athletes like marathoners and cyclist that could be injured while on the road but "wrist ID slim" in XS fits even Noah.

So all I can continue to do is pray each day that God keeps my precious babies safe and urge someone to make a GPS device that kids can wear all the time and also has function where fire breathing dragons are emitted if they are ever in trouble. 

10 steps to our DIY Sand Table

1. Convince your husband that Pinterest in not only for the female population (lure him by typing in "Lego" or "Hot wheels" into Pinterest)

2. After husband is thoroughly immersed in Pinterest, type in DIY Sandbox and show him what other dads have done for their kids. Really cool ideas like these:

3. Affirm your husband's woodworking talents. Offer to help by baking cookies to fuel creative energy. 

4.Give husband blank sheet of paper to plan his masterpiece. Nod your head as he explains what he is going to do even if you have no idea what he means. Smile encouragingly.

5. Get cheap coffee table, wood and paint for $25.

6. Let husband work magic in the garage.

7. Offer more baked goods.

8. Paint. Let dry. Paint. Let dry. Paint. Let dry.

 9. Apply super cool Monsters Inc. decals

10. Fill with 100 lbs of sand and lots of toys. Watch daughter's eyes light up as she wakes up from nap time to see this outside her bedroom window. 

Best. Dad. Ever.

Notice the custom-made bubble holders?

Tip:  Remember to put lid on so neighbor's cat does not compromise contents of sandbox.

Now, THAT is one awesome sand table.

Who wants to come over and play?

P.S. If you actually want to know how to make this sand table, you'll have to ask Simon. My only contribution to this was picking out the stickers. Oh and of course, baking cookies. Without the proper sustenance, this table would have never happened.

you only get today once.

I am a first born. Apparently Type A. Goal-oriented, conscientious, controlling, multi-tasker and have high expectations of myself and others. I like order. I like predictability. Schedules and routines make me happy. I need control. I analyze behaviour and make plans to change and control them for a living. Really.

My 6 month old baby is well, a baby. When he is awake, he is usually cheerful, giggly, curious and drooling. He is adorable but he is not predictable.

 I need to leave the house, he poops up to his armpits.
I want him to take the bottle, he refuses. I buy every bottle that other moms said worked for their baby, he still refuses. Maybe I can start growing plants in my collection of bottles.
I want him to nurse. He rather suck on his toes instead.
I need him to take a long nap, he is wide awake after 10 minutes...it's more like a long blink than a nap.
I crave a long uninterrupted night of sleep. He wants to nurse all night.
I wish I could sleep in. He doesn't want to miss a sunrise.

I have had an epiphany. It was about a week or so ago. I was in tears. I wanted Noah to fall asleep on his own. He wanted to nurse and snore in my arms. I didn't let him fall asleep and put him in his crib awake and apparently really mad. I was listening to him wail and feeling like the wicked witch of the west. I wanted to go pick him up but that was against The Plan. The Plan said let him cry, go in after 15 minutes and pat him for 2 minutes and then leave. Then listen to him wail for 20 minutes and think about how this is for his own good.  The Plan said it is just a simple case of extinguishing an undesired behaviour.

My dear husband could tell this was agonizing for me and said ever so eloquently, "He's not a lab rat or a case study. He's just a freaking baby. He doesn't need a behaviour analyst right now, he just needs his mom"

And something clicked for me. Yes, he is a baby. He's my baby. He's my gift from God and I get to be his mommy. He is not a client in need of a behaviour plan. He is a baby in need of a cuddles and kisses and right now middle of the night and early morning feedings when I wish I was sleeping. I realize that there are many circumstances of motherhood that I can't control. And believe me, I tried so, so, so hard to control them. Again and again, I was unable to make my baby do what I wanted when I wanted that the joy in being his mom had vanished. This is not OK.

 You only get this day once. My baby will never fit into his newborn clothes again, he doesn't sleep for hours on my chest anymore. He will only be 6 months old for a few more weeks. I will read this in a year and only have memories of what it was like to have a 2.5 year old toddler and a 6 month old. I want those memories to be cherished ones.
Today will never happen again. I can't go back and wish I was more patient, more spontaneous, more care-free and less neurotic. You only get today once.

I'm going to go cuddle my kids and make this a good day.

Operation Noah Recovery: day 4

Dear Noah

It has been one crazy week. You sister had to go to the doctor last Thursday after 10 days of amoxicillin to make sure she was getting over her viral illness. That day you had a little cough but you were still smiling and happy and she said, "Oh, he will get worse before gets better. I bet you will be seeing me with him next week". Oh wow, did she ever predict it.

your sister at the doctor

On Saturday you woke up with green goop going out of your eyes and your cough was worsening. You were up all night and Dad watched Team Canada win gold over while he was trying to soothe your sickly cough at 4:30am. By 7:00am you also had a fever, we were really worried and I took you into the ER at RCH where you were born.

admitted at RCH

They gave you a Ventolin steam mask to help you breathe better and did a chest X ray but the results from the Xray were inconclusive for penumonia. They gave us a Venotin chamber to continue to use at home and said you were OK to go home.  I thought the worst was over.

horrifying X chest machine

On Monday, you started to nurse less and cough more. You vomitted everything that went in your mouth. Your fever kept on coming back. We were getting more and more worried. You slept through the night and didn't wake up for feeds. This is so unlike you.

breaking our hearts to see you so sick

On Tuesday morning, you were very lethargic and any trace of "Noah" had left your eyes. We tried feeding you milk with a syringe. I cried. Tuesday afternoon after over 24 hours of no nursing I took you to Children's hospital. Right after we were assessed, your body crashed. It went from waiting in a room with just me and you to crazy commotion in the room, doctors, nurses, IVs, antibiotics, X rays and a doctor telling us in his calm doctor voice that they were "very concerned" for you. I cried.

The doctor came in and told us you have pneumonia and maybe other horrible things. Then we got moved upstairs. For the next several days, I stayed beside your bed as you endured daily blood work and machines kept monitoring your heart rate, your oxygen intake and an IV worked to reverse the process of dehydration. 

Everyone and I mean everyone prayed for you. 

our ticket outta here!

Today is Saturday. Today is a glorious, joyous day because the doctor weighed you this morning and you have gained weight. You have not had a fever for 2 days. You have not puked for 2 days. You have started nursing since removal of the IV. Your lungs aren't perfect yet but the doctor said you are taking in enough air on your own and keeping medicine down so this means we can go home today!!!

Noah you are so loved. You probably won't remember this entire ordeal but we will. Know that you are much, much loved. Not just by your mom and dad but also your Heavenly Father. He has blessed us with outstanding family and friends that prayed unceasingly. 

We love you so much Noah. 

Come on, let's go home!

Operation Noah Recovery: Day 3

The nurses all ask if I feel burned out or trapped in the 4 walls of this hospital room and I have to say, surprisingly no! Although I haven't left this room or looked out a window since Tuesday, I don't feel isolated at all because of all the uplifting messages, cards, offers to babysit Natallie, prayers and food that has come our way. So in a way I feel like all 300+ people who have read about Noah are in this room with me and supporting us in this time. We are so blessed. This morning when Simon came to see us briefly before work, Noah even started cooing in daddy's arms! Nothing brings me more joy than to see my Noah-bear starting to act like himself again!

Noah was switched from the antibiotics via his IV to oral amoxicillin last night. He needs to be able to take his medicine orally for us to go home. The first time the nurse administered it, he puked it up right after. I was a bit discouraged but the nurse said we could try again and this time we did tiny little drops in his mouth at a time. The process took much longer to get the dosage in but he didn't spit it up!

Noah was so good last night. He nursed for the first time ever since Sunday! A good 10 minutes and didn't puke it up after. He nursed again at midnight for 10 minutes and then slept until 7:30am! Yes! Yes! Yes! I have to be standing up and rocking him while he is nursing but that's OK, I am so glad he has nursed twice that I didn't even mind that my arms were numb from holding him. Simon and I are going to have some really toned biceps and triceps once this is all over with.

We had to administer the amoxicillin orally again today. Again we did it a few drops at a time and it took a long time and he didn't puke it up after! We will have to keep giving it to him 3 times a day and if he keeps it down that's very promising that we will go home soon.

And I don't know if you believe in miracles but I do. Yesterday he had several large white patches inside his mouth and a nurse and three different doctors looked at it...even the senior resident doctor and they were thinking it was probably oral thrush. Later that evening, I was feeling sore after breastfeeding which is likely because the bacteria can pass back and forth from Noah's mouth to me during feedings. I was feeling again discouraged that there was yet another hurdle to jump over but this morning the same doctors came in to examine in and they couldn't see those white patches anymore. Completely gone! The doctors were puzzled because all three of them saw it yesterday and now there's nothing and it hasn't hurt me anymore to breastfeed? Miracle? God answering prayers? I think so!

Miracles do happen! Just look at this boy!

So another new thing today is the removal of Noah's IV. The nurse explained to me that with babies this young, IVs don't tend to stay in for much longer than 3 days and it might pop out from the vein but still be under the skin and this causes problems and pain. Noah's IV kept on getting twisted up and the nurse noticed that he didn't like anyone coming close to where the IV was going in his leg so although they wanted to keep the IV in him until nursing was well established they took it out earlier because it was hurting him. So one less cord and machine to be attached to and a leap of faith that Noah will continue nursing well. He has had one good feed since the IV was removed this morning and I have faith that he will continue to do well.

He has been mostly awake, alert and happy today. Got some big Noah-like smiles and even a little chortle. He's come a long, long ways from the lifeless ghost that he was on Tuesday. The doctors came in and said that they are really pleased with his progress. He is officially not dehydrated anymore and although his lungs still aren't normal yet, he has improved a lot. They said the RSV cough could linger for weeks but it seems like the worst is over. His temperature and oxygen intake has been stable. He has taken 2 of doses of amoxicillin orally. The only thing left now is for him to nurse for a whole day and once he proves he won't need the IV to meet his fluid needs, we are good to go! It could be as early as tomorrow!

The nurse told us she is so pleased to see how quickly he has made progress. She said he was in terrible condition downstairs and they didn't want to scare us at the time when we were in ER but they thought he was in very critical condition. He was showing all the signs for sepsis and they were worried about him going in sceptic shock and that his organs would start shutting down. It was by God's grace that we were in the ER on Tuesday or I may not even be holding Noah today. Again, thank you for your prayers. God is good. Very, very, very good. We are so glad Jesus did not want Noah up with Him just yet. 


 

The though of going home tomorrow makes me very, very, very ecstatic. With the amount of people praying and rooting for our little guy, I am optimistic that we'll be discharged soon. I miss Natallie so much. Grandma and Grandpa Neufeld are driving down from Enderby as I type this and will be staying at our house and watching her tonight and over the weekend. But maybe Noah and I won't be here this weekend....I hope my next blog post will be about us going home. Home sweet home. Soon enough my little bear will be strong enough to go home!

Operation Noah Recovery: Day 2

wow. Simon and I are speechless at the amount of encouraging words, support and delicious food that has come our way. It is so encouraging to be lifted up by everyone. Did you know that so far 296 have read the blog post about Noah? Even if only half of everyone who read it prayed for him, that's a lot of people lifting Noah up to God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We are blessed you are in our lives.

So how was my night??? I was anxious about having Simon go home for the night and unsure how long I could hold sway my crying sack of potatoes but God answers prayer and he settled down in the hospital crib at 10:30pm last night and was up twice. The first time I got him settled in half an hour and the second time he was up from 4:00-5:30am but after another dose of Tylonel, he was able to go back to sleep in the hospital crib. Praise God!

The lab tech came by at 7:15am and said she wanted to do blood work. Noah was still asleep and I remembered what the nurse told me and I asked her to come back later. She said she would have to check with my nurse if that was OK and of course my awesome nurse backed me up so Noah had a great long sleep until 8:30am.


screaming during his blood work this morning

The nurses came by and listened to his lungs and said they still aren't normal sounding but they aren't as terrible as yesterday. Alright, I'll take 'not terrible', and he's not coughing quite as much.

And drum roll.....the bacteria culture came back negative! This is such an answered prayer so he does not have a blood infection.

When he woke up this morning his face and his eyes were a bit puffy. The nurse explained it might be because of all the fluid he is getting in his IV. He was so dehydrated that they had to pump lots into him and it might be going to his face. The were able to turn down his IV this morning from 30 to 15 mL/h so that means his hydration levels have improved. By turning down the IV means he will also need to start nursing since the IV isn't providing all the fluids and nutrients he needs.

puffy face and eyes this morning

The nurse also noticed he has a diaper rash which is probably a side effect of the antibiotics. Apparently pure oxygen heals red baboon bums quickly so for awhile today he had the oxygen mask on his little baby bum. There's a first!

"oxygen bum" therapy

The nurses also noticed white patches inside his mouth today when he was screaming and crying. They had 3 different people come in and I had to hold him down while they put a flashlight in his mouth and examined it. It's inconclusive right now but the doctor is guessing its probably oral thrush which is an overgrowth of yeast. Oral thrush can also lead to diaper rash (which the nurse noticed today). He will probably need some sort of antifungal treatment to treat the thrush. The oral thrush could be causing pain in his mouth which could lead to the reason why he is not wanting to nurse and if we want to ever go home, he needs to start nursing so go away thrush, go away!

napped and woke up happy!

It looks like right now Noah is just battling bacterial pneumonia and RSV and oral thrush. The course of treatment is still antibiotics through the IV along with the saline solution. The antibiotic treatment will last for 10-12 days but not the whole antibiotic treatment needs to be at the hospital. Right now all his antibiotics are through the IV but if he shows that he can keep medicine down orally, we will get to go home and continue treatment at home. Really want to go home. I have not left Noah's room since we checked in. I haven't looked out a window since Tuesday. Is it still snowing? I don't even know.

So for prayer items, it comes down to this:

• praise that Noah had a relatively good night last night
• praise that he does not have Scepsis (blood infection)
• praise that Natallie is doing really well with my mom and enjoying play dates with friends
• praise that Noah had 2 naps today without being held and even woke up with a smile!
• praise he was more settled today and had some 'normal' moments where he had tummy time and was grabbing for his toys and trying to put all the hospital wires in his mouth
• continue to have no fever (he has been given lots of Tylonel for pain so they want to see if he can keep a normal temperatue without Tylonel)
• diaper rash and oral thrush to get treated quickly
• need this boy to start nursing again!!!!
• still arches his back in pain and for the doctors/nurses to figure out what is causing it

Also, my mom told me today that my grandma just got admitted to emergency last night and ironically enough, she has been diagnosed with pneumonia as well. It's not good to be little like Noah and get it but it's also not good to be 92 like my grandma and have it either. So please, when you're lifting up Noah in prayer, could you pray for my grandma as well? The nurses say with all the factors she is at risk for heart failure. Our family is just dealing with a lot right now but God is good and we put our trust in Him.



Operation Noah Recovery: day 1

Today has been a long day. Noah is still hooked up to the IV with saline solution and antibiotics going in. He's also still got the heart rate monitor and oxygen monitor on. The nurses come in and out to check on his vitals.

Yesterday and the previous days he has been sick, he has been sleepy and lethargic. He didn't wake up for feeds and if I left him alone, probably would have slept the entire day. Now that he's on the saline solution to keep him hydrated, he's still sick but very alert and awake but this also makes him realize how much he hates his life right now and he has been miserable most of the day. It didn't help that this morning he was woken up by a lab tech who had to take blood samples. Who wants to wake up to having needles jabbed in your foot and it's not just one poke, she needed to collect a vial of blood so it was jabbing and tapping at his poor little foot until she collected enough blood. What a horrible way to wake up. The nurse told us later that was very bad etiquette for the lab tech and they have a rule that you can never put a needle in a child while they are still asleep. That's just mean. I agree. She told us that if that happens again tomorrow I can tell her off. I think I will.

I think he has been jabbed at with needles and poked and examined so many times when we lie him down that he has very quickly associated that lying him down means something bad is going to happen so we have not been able to put him down ALL.DAY. without a crying sobbing protest. I am so glad Simon is here, he has held Noah most of the day and that was the only way he was able to get two short naps in. This is no easy feat. You try holding a sack of potatoes and swaying from side to side for 12 hours, only getting a break when you really need to pee or eat. Without Simon's support today, I would of lost it. So if you see Simon or have his number, tell him he is super dad.

The nurse came in and explained a few of the different blood tests that have been done and what still needs to be done.

The CBC stands for Complete Blood Count and it is a blood test that evaluates the three major types of cells in the blood: red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets. This checks to see if the child has an infection. Mostly, they are looking at the white blood cells (WBCs). WBC's help the body fight infection and an abnormal WBC count means there is something wrong. Noah's CBC of course confirmed what we already knew, there are elevated white blood cells because he has the infection in his lungs.

Another test was the blood gas test, it test to see how much carbon dioxide is in the blood. A higher Co2 count means that although you are taking some oxygen in, its not all being expelled out properly and some carbon dioxide is trapped in the blood. The first test last night Noah's levels were high but this morning, it looked better.

The most important blood test result we are waiting for the blood culture to confirm whether or not he has Sepsis. The nurse explained that they take blood and see if they can grow bacteria in it, if they can then it confirms a blood infection. Let's pray the test does not come back positive. If it does, there is antibiotics to treat it but it just means we will be in the hospital for recovery much longer.

He has been crying a lot today, inconsolable crying which is really hard to listen to. When we try to hold him he arches his back and the nurse said that's a sign that he is in pain. Oh my sweet, sweet boy, I am so sorry you are suffering.

In light of all this darkness, its important to count the blessings and praise God for the little things like:

• for a few moments he was calm and even playing his Sophie giraffe
• he tolerated being rocked in the car seat for a little bit, enough for both Simon and I to have a few minutes break of holding him
• a few little smiles today and a feeble laugh
• when he cried there were tears (this is a big thing because before he was so dehydrated he would cry but without tears, this is a sign that the hydration process is working)
• no puking for the last 12 hours
• nursed for a few minutes today
• starting to pee in small amounts (another sign that hydration process is working)
• the overwhelming words of encouragement from our friends, family and the church as well as bringing us food so we don't have to leave Noah's room
• my mom giving us updates of Natallie throughout the day and her fun adventures with PoPo
• Natallie's card for Noah that makes my heart smile

For tonight, please pray

• Noah will settle down and sleep in the hospital crib (so far today, after waking up with a brutal needle poking episode in the crib he has refused to lie down in the crib)
• if he doesn't sleep in the crib he will at least sleep in the car seat and I won't have to hold and rock him all.night.long
• Simon goes back home tonight and gets a much needed rest since he has to go back to work tomorrow
• his blood culture sample comes back negative for Sepsis
• his vitals (blood pressure, temperature, heart rate, oxygen levels) remains stable (when he gets worked up his heart rate can go up to 220 beat per minute)
• he begins to nurse regularly soon
• our little family to all be home together again instead of me & Noah here, Simon home alone and Natallie with my parents

 Good night everyone. Thank you for all your love.