10 things I have learned in 10 years of marriage.

So on this day 10 years ago, I made the most significant promise to another human being in my life. I have learned a lot in the past decade, some small truths like it's OK to have two blankets so you don't have to share and some life lessons like not keeping score in marriage because then everyone loses. If in 20 or so years I let my kids go on a date and should they meet someone they want to spend their lives with, I would want them to know these things I have learned in the last 10 years of marriage (of course after thoroughly grilling their potential spouses and threatening bodily harm if they even think of doing anything that would hurt them).

So Natallie and Noah, my prayer for you both is that you will one day meet the person that God has planned for you and you will learn what true, selfless love within a marriage is like. These are ten of the truths of I have learned in the last decade with your daddy....

10. Learn to speak your husband's love language. Natallie & Noah, I know that right now neither of you can read but before you go on a date, I want you to read Gary Chapman's book called The Five Love Languages.  (If you have no idea what I am talking about read this for a quick synopsis). The two things on my list are (written) words of affirmation and quality time. Quality time is a significant one of my list and the definition of what quality time is has changed in the years we have been married. In the past before you guys were born, I would have said quality time has to be actual meaningful conversation but now if your daddy and I can work together to get through the 101 steps of your crazy bedtime routine so you guys are sleeping when Arrow or The Flash starts at 8:00pm and we can crash on the couch together, YES!YES! that counts because it was such an team effort to make that happen and also because by the evening I am so exhausted and have no mental faculties to engage in a meaningful conversation.

 the best written note I've ever got

9. Do fun stuff together. So that's kind of an obvious one but the part I learned about is how the definition of what is 'fun' may change and the seasons of life change. For the first 6 years of our marriage before you guys were born, your daddy and I snowboarded almost every snowy Saturday of winter, we literally co-founded The Saturday Seymour Crew where we hiked up Mt. Seymour with our shovels, built a jump and spent the rest of the day trying to land our snowboard tricks with our friends. In the warmer weather, we went biking, running, surfing, skimboarding, hiking or road-tripping every chance we got. Your daddy was and is my favourite person to do all those things with. In the past 4 years, it has been a lot harder to do the same fun things. We are still learning how to not have it suck the joy out of our marriage but seriously the adventures of toilet-training isn't really comparable to a powder day of backcountry boarding. So sometimes having fun means to change the expectations a little bit like biking the seawall with you guys in your bike trailer and sometimes having fun means leaving you guys with PoPo so we can do something a little more exhilarating. I hope that when you are married that your spouse will always be your best friend and the first person you would choose when you want to do something fun!

Saturday Seymour Crew

8. Laugh through it all. So when we first got married, it wasn't quite as easy to transition into the domestic goddess that I thought instantly would happen. Neither of us could cook and there were a lot of recipe fails. If there was Pintrest back then I would have dominated the #pinterestfail. TWICE I put the recipe book on the element while I waited for the water to boil and then turned on the element the recipe book was on instead of the pot of water. Sadly, The Joy of Cooking has forever been burned beyond repair. And then there was the time I ran out of dish soap for the dishwasher so I just put in some Dawn dish soap and later watched in disbelief as bubbles poured out of our dishwasher. It was so spectacular, I couldn't stop laughing while Simon was scooping up buckets of bubbles.  Oh and did I mention the time I accidentally knocked over the Purex laundry soap as I was leaving the house? By the time I came home the entire Costco size container of blue had infiltrated our beige carpets. I tried to mop up as much as I could but all I could do was take a picture and tell your daddy that a colony of Smurfs had died on our carpet. Sometimes things don't go the way you want it to go. On our wedding day, I thought we would have lots of time to stage some awesome pictures but I didn't factor in how cold it would be wearing a strapless dress and open toed high heels on a snowy December day. We were totally freezing but we had a blast taking pictures in a record breaking 15 minute photo shoot. Take the time to cherish those little moments of joy.

7.Speak well of each other when you are apart. Natallie and Noah, you guys have been  to enough play dates to know that us mommies like to talk a lot while you guys are playing and  a lot of the times, we talk about you guys and the silly things you do but sometimes we talk about daddy too. I pray that when you are married and when you are with your co-workers and your friends, you will avoid the "my husband/wife never does...." chatter, even if everyone else is throwing in their gripes about the socks on the floor or the toilet seat up. Please try not to dive in with your story. Daddy and I have made a promise to each other that when we are apart we will continue to build each other up instead of tear each other down. It also helps to surround yourselves with friends that also strive to do the same. My bridesmaids were there ten years ago when I made the vow to your daddy and they have stood beside me since keeping me accountable to my promise.

6. Be humble in conflict. Pray for grace. Realize that you are not as perfect as you think you are. So  it's true I am your mother and therefore I think you are absolutely perfect. But as much I think you are both perfect, I know that humility goes a long way in marriage. I used to think couples that have good marriages don't have conflict. That's not true, we are learning that there can be grace in conflict.. Three things we try to remember when we are not seeing eye to eye are: seek to understand the other person's view before jumping in with a rebuttal (I suck at this one), refrain from character statements ("you are so ...) and omit absolutes ("you never..." "you always..."). Above all, don't underestimate the power of prayer. Pray for each other and pray with each other.

Praying before the wedding ceremony

5. Let your spouse be your mirror. Natallie, I love it when you put on a pretty dress and your twirl around the house and smile with glee at your reflection. You are so beautiful. One day you will captivate someone's heart and I pray you let him be your mirror even when you don't feel beautiful or worthy. One mistake I've made is to brush off your daddy's compliments because I figured he is my husband he is supposed to say nice things whether its true or not. This was hardest to believe when I was in my whale-like state of third trimester pregnancy or the no-sleep, leaky-boob, puked-on newborn stage. I would scowl at my reflection and your daddy would affirm me that I looked beautiful and I would look at him like I believe that as much as I believed that babies sleep thru the night. I am learning now that accepting his words of affirmation is not just good for me but its good for our marriage too.

4. Love your spouse because they are not just like you. After being married for ten years I have learned in what ways we are alike and in what ways we are not. One thing that drove me crazy was our conflict about sleep.  Natallie, you and your daddy are most alike in the way the need what seems like an excessive amount of sleep to function. I don't get it, both Noah and I are able to stay up way past our bed time and still possess our normal brain functions. I used to get so frustrated at him for needing to sleep but now that I see how God has made you and Noah so different I understand its part of who you are. Another thing is that I am super Type A and want everything planned, organized and every Plan A has a back up plan B and C (sometimes D). Your daddy is way more laid-back and dare I say spontaneous and doesn't like schedules. I also tend to worry excessively and get my pre-panic on over everything and your daddy is totally the opposite.  I realize God put us together for a reason so when I am freaking out over Plan A not working out and running around like a chicken with its head cut off, your daddy can remain cool as a cucumber and help me unruffled my feathers. I am so glad I am not married to someone just like me.

3. Husbands need some attention too (apparently). Before we had you guys, when your daddy came home from work, I'd make him a snack and I'd ask him how his day was, he would give me some generic man-answer like 'good' and then I would proceed to drill him with 20 open ended questions. It was nice to connect and listen. These days, I am not greeting him with a smile and  plate of cookies but I am frantically trying to make supper while you are asking me how to spell Pinkalicious and your brother wants me to read  Goodnight Goodnight Construction site again. I am not very good and ignoring the mayhem and asking your daddy how his day was or if I do ask him, I  am so distracted when he answers. Sometimes your daddy literally tells me he went to work with leprechauns and rode on a unicorn over a rainbow to see if I am listening and when I say 'that's nice' he rolls his eyes and walks away. This is still a work in progress for me. When you guys grow up and your have your own house of Littles, I pray you are able to put the kids needs on hold just long enough to acknowledge your spouse and connect and really listen to each other for at least 5 minutes every day.

2. Remember your vows. Ten years ago, your daddy and I stood all dreamy-eyed at the chapel and promised to love and cherish each other. As I slipped your daddy's ring on his finger, I said, "I give you this ring as symbol of my unending love and commitment to you. Every time you see it on your hand, and feel it there, remember the promise I am making you today. I promise to be the loving wife that God desires of me and I will love and cherish you more each day the Lord blesses us with."  I pray that when you make that promise at the alter, you seek to live it out each day. I pray that when life is not just fantastic dates and candlelit dinners, you hold steadfast to your promise to love and cherish each other. I pray you learn that love is an action and not a feeling. I pray that you learn that true love is steadfast and selfless and not that 'happily ever after' doesn't happen without an unwavering commitment to always put the other person first.

1. Look to the One who is Love. Did you know that the two characteristics of successful marriages boil down to 2 simple things: kindness and generosity.  There's scientific proof  that couples who support and encourage each other have longer lasting marriages. Psychologist, John Gottman has found that, "kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage....apparently kindness  is the one factor that can determine with 94 percent certainty whether couples—straight or gay, rich or poor, childless or not—will be broken up, together and unhappy, or together and happy several years later."  So 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 did get it right - love is patient, love is KIND....

So look to the One who exemplifies kindness and generosity like no other. I pray that in your marriage that God is the center and you know He is Love. I pray that you will experience how deep, how vast and how rich love should be.

Can I get an Amen?

smile like you're having fun.

So when the fall leaves start changing to their beuatiful red, yellow and gold colors my first thought is that we just neeeeeeeeed to get family portraits. I envision Simon and I holding hands along a scenic trail glowing with joy...our kids will be following close behind and and doing all sorts of candid adorable things like kissing each other and burying each other in crisp crunchy leaves as the fall sunshine shines down.

I got so excited when my uber-talented-at-everything sister offered to do our family pictures one sunny Saturday morning but when I tell my wonderful husband, he looks at me like he rather go to the dentist. I actually think he might have called his dentist to see if he could get that root canal changed to Saturday morning. I don't think there is any activity he loathes more than family photos but alas, he is awesome and tells me that even though he doesn't see the point of taking family photos again ("we did them LAST year?! Why do we need more?! Everyone looks almost the same!) he will smile like he wasn't hating every moment of it.

And well when it came to picture day, let's just say I am so grateful for everyone's patience and Welch's fruit gummies because without either, these photos would of not happened and all that would have been captured would be one blurry girl who just wanted to run with her stuffed doggy, Coconut; a miserable boy who couldn't catch up to his much faster sister and kept falling along the trail; an exasperated husband who was telepathically asking me 'are we done yet?' and me - who was pretending like we were all really have F.U.N. and that this wasn't a totally terrible idea.

So with further ado, I present to you some of my favorites..I really love these photos and I am so glad we captured these because I don't think anyone is up for more family pictures for awhile.....

growing up pumpkins.

I finally realized why I love the the pumpkin patch. It's not because it takes way longer to get there than a trip to Superstore for a pumpkin, not the over priced admission, or the 2 minute tractor ride, or the animals in the barns. Its because we go every year and there are picture perfect moments everywhere. The beautiful fall colors with the bright orange pumpkins and throw in my little crazy babes, I can't stop taking pictures. Now I have enough pictures of 4 years of pumpkin patching just to truly appreciate how quickly my beautiful pumpkins are growing up!

I remember two years ago when Noah was born, he was only 4 weeks old and I was determined to make it out the pumpkin patch. It took an hour to drive out to Abbotsford and it was so stressful. I was trying to breastfeed my newborn while traisping thru the pumpkin fields and negotaiting with my toddler which pumpkins were too big to take home. Then  trying to keep a baby asleep in the carrier while carrying a toddler on my hip (who was too tired to walk anymore) and hauling a big pumpkin in the other hand. I seriously was questioning why I did not just to go Safeway.  But I am glad I did because now I know that its true that moms (especially of Little Ones) possess super powers and that I have photographic evidence of these escapades.

Last year Grandma and Grandpa had to hold Noah's hands through the pumpkin patch because he couldn't even walk on his own yet. This year his go-to phrase is "No Help!!!" and when I try to help him he likes to hold up his hands up high like this photo (on the right) which is his way of signing "I'm BIG and I don't need help!!!"

 And in this photo down here, I see that little Miss Natallie changed so much from baby to age 3 and apparently has stopped growing taller or bigger since 2014. Ha ha. She is wearing the exact same coat (size 3) as last year and I think it might still fit her next year. I know based on how tall Simon and I are we aren't expecting her to be on the school basketball team but I hope she will at least be tall enough so she can go in the ball pit at Ikea one day.

And this photo here just makes me smile. I can't believe 3 years ago I was just cuddling my little pumpkin and now she is so big (well not size-wise big) but bigger than she was used to be and continues to radiant joy into our lives.

I am so looking forward to doing this every year...at least until the kids are old enough to tell me that it's totally stupid to drive such a long way and pay too much money just to take pictures with some pumpkins. Then I will start taking pictures of us with pumpkins at the grocery store instead.

assemble the minions.

So last week on Sept 12 was Noah's 2nd birthday but we didn't tell him it was his birthday because we were up in Whistler for Simon's big bike race. If you don't know the Whistler Grand Fondo is a scenic but gruelling 122 km bike race from Stanley park to the village in Whistler. It has been a bucket list item for Simon for awhile so I am so glad we made it happen this year. He was one of 4,000 people doing the Grand Fondo this year.

Even better, Simon has become friends with one of my best friend's husbands and the two of them have training for the Grand Fondo together. And since Lance also has young kids he knows that by "training", it means getting out for maybe 3 rides in total. (It is SO hard to make time to train in a house with little people! But if you count chasing munchkins around then both Dads got a lot of training in before the big ride!!). Anyways, Rachael and I took the kids (all 5 of them in total) to Whistler the night before and they practiced their cheering and dancing abilities until late into the late.

Daddy's best cheer squad

In the morning, we got ready to cheer the Dads and all the other cyclists. It is quite the adrenaline rush just being at the finish line and quite the spandex convention too! The kids had made "Go Dad Go!" shirts and rang cow bells for about 30 minutes until the excitement wore off  cheering for random people and then they just wanted to sit in the shade and eat Pringles. They were the cutest and best cheer squad any Dad could of asked for.

Natallie and Nala eagerly anticipating their Daddy to cross the finish line

Lance and Simon did amazing, both finished in their expected time of 5 hours. It was so hard to watch for where Simon was among so many cyclist. Next year I am going to make him wear a neon pink cape with LED lights. I was so fortunate to catch this awesome picture as he crossed the finish line! Simon came in at 5:08. The first person to finish did it in 3 hrs and 22 minutes (that's INSANE since it takes 2 hours to DRIVE up to Whistler!) and the last person finished in 9 hrs and 23 minutes (good for hanging in there!). The kids were so excited to celebrate with the Dads after! Go Super Dads!

so glad I got the shot!

Go Dads Go!

celebration party hats

So fast forward a week and now it's time to assemble the minions for Noah's birthday. It's so great that when you are two, your birthday is when your parents tell you it is so Noah's birthday was conveneintly moved to Sept 19 instead of the 12th. And because I am still exhausted from planning Natallie's rockin' My Little Pony party, we decided just to keep it more low-key with just family for Noah's party but here's a play-by-play because if I wasn't so tired I would of wanted you to be there too.

7:30am - Being serenaded by older sister in minion party hat ( not impressed with her vocal abilities and cries for mom)

7:35 am- more impressed by coming downstairs and seeing all the minion decorations. Wears party hat for all of 30 seconds before never wearing it again (despite my pleas and bribes to put it on).

7:40- finds more minion decorations and is amused (Mom is justifying all the printer ink for that sweet smile)

7:45am- couldn't wait any longer and gave Noah his birthday present. Noah is very pleased with his minions which he calls "minneees". (Mom is justifying spending too much money on stuffed animals with oversized spectacles in form-fitting overalls)

Daddy's special gift for Noah

 

10:00am: entertain party guests (i.e., my own 2 children) with snacks and craft activities. Wow it is so much easier planning activities for just 2 kids instead of a dozen!

3:30 pm- woke up from nap and decorated minion cupcakes

4:30pm- went to go see the Minion movie. Noah sat and didn't even blink for half the movie and then squirmed for the second half. Natallie was the kid in the theatre that laughed so loud that everyone turned to see who it was. Both kids were thoroughly amused every time the minions said BA-NA-NA!

6:30pm- forgot how many ads there are before a movie and that it is an hour past Noah's usual dinner time. Noah is thoroughly starving when we get to the restaurant and may possibly eat food off other people's tables so I walk with him to another store and buy a box of crackers while we wait for the food to come. When the food comes, he inhales his dinner. No pictures of dinner because I am so busy feeding this famished boy a dozen shrimp and a bowl of spaghetti and a bowl of rice

7:30pm- gets to open presents from PoPo and Auntie Rainbee. Very happy with his new minion sippy cup, minion ball and rockin' toddler Sundy School CD. 

new Minion soccer ball

7:45pm-sing happy birthday and present the minion cake! I love that putting 3 minion figurines on a store-bought cake can make a 2 year old as happy as a fancy pants Pintrest cake. Ha! 1 point for Mom, 0 for Pintrest!

8:00pm - Pose for obligatory family pictures

9:00pm - both kids in bed and I look at pictures from his birthday party last year. Feel so relieved I didn't bake stupid sugar cookies and hand paint tractors this year. Also say a thank you to God that between last year and this year, this kid learned how to sleep through the night and more recently sleep past 5:30am (can I get an Amen?!). 

10:00pm- still looking at pictures from last year to this year and try to come up with some way to freeze time because it's all going by too fast.

10:30pm- still upset over inability to freeze time but decide to go to bed and just blog about it tomorrow.

                          HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY MY SWEET LITTLE NOAH!
                                         YOU ARE SO LOVED!