Chronicling the crazy: Are we having fun yet?

Simon and I recently went for a weekend trip to Seattle with two other couples with kids. In total there were 6 adults, 5 kids, 2 babies all in one house for 3 days. If you ask me how the trip was, I will smile and say, “it was good and we’d do it again for sure” but the experience has also inspired me to make a list of why travelling with young children suck. There were definite times when Simon and I looked at each other and said “I thought vacations were supposed to be fun?” We even started sarcastically saying, “Are we having FUN yet??” throughout the trip when something was not going as planned. So here goes my 10 reasons why traveling with young children (especially your own) suck.

1. Packing for a baby and a toddler is ridiculous. For someone so miniscule in size, they require luggage bags packed that weigh 5 times their own weight. Just between the case of diapers and the number of outfits Baby will spit up on before you leave the house, there will only be enough room for your purse, maybe a toothbrush.

2. You will never leave the house when you intend to. Toddler will refuse to pee before getting in the car and then after she finally does go, it will take half an hour before you negotiate on a pair of shoes she wants to wear and that she can actually walk in. “No you can’t wear mom’s shoes” “No they don’t fit really good” “No, not your rain boots, it’s June” “OK fine, just wear your rain boots and get in the car”

3. There is a strange phenomenon that occurs once your child is strapped in the car seat, it requires about 30 seconds after you leave your house. Toddler will all of a sudden declare she is SO.SO.HUNGRY and it doesn’t matter that you had to beg her to finish her breakfast a minute ago, she is now beyond famished. Your husband and you will listen to a whiny chorus of “I neeeeeeeeeeeeeed a snack!!!!” before you even reach the first traffic light after leaving your house.

4. Another strange phenomenon that occurs on road trips is the way babies have an eerie superpower to detect when you are stuck in traffic or stand-still border waits. As soon as the car stops, even with the engine running and the obligatory white noises sounds of the ocean on, he will detect the situation and wake up from a blissful sleep and make loud, vocal declarations that he must get out of his car seat NOW. The only way to stop the screaming terror for long enough to hear the border guard’s questions is to throw copious amounts of baby MumMum crackers at screaming infant. If you run out of MumMum crackers, experiment with Dorito chips but be warned, Baby may choke on Dorito chips and puke all over car seat. Yes, we know this from experience.

don't let that cute little face fool you, he's just smiling now b/c he's driving

5. Cross border shopping with Toddler and Baby is about as easy as getting into your pre-pregnancy pants the day after you give birth. The painful realization that it is not going to happen any time soon. Your only consolation is the package of cheese you got from Target for really, really, cheap! You agonize over not being able to browse the racks at Ross and eat cheap American cheese.

6. Unrelated to traveling with children but the streets in Seattle are seriously messed up. None of them go straight or connect where you think they should. The GPS thinks our truck can make left turns into oncoming traffic and most of the time you can’t even hear what GPS-Lady was saying because of Crying Infant who again, detected the stop and go Seattle traffic and needed to be released from car seat hell NOW.

7. Going out to a nice restaurant by the water requires expensive parking. This is easier said than done when none of the machines accept Canadian credit cards. Briefly consider using our adorable children to panhandle for change until we remember that we got cash back at Target. (Wife briefly gloats about how amazing she is for getting cash back)

happy after figuring how to pay for parking spot and finally getting some supper

8. It may be easier to convince Toddler to eat kale than getting Baby to sleep in a play pen set up in a walk-in closet of the rental house. Regular bedtime is 7:30pm, Baby finally gave up standing up and screaming at 9:10pm. Administration of Tylonel at 8:45pm and desperate prayers required. Naps not any easier. After 60 minutes of wailing, waved white flag of surrender and walked baby in stroller for nap instead.

9. Stressful scenarios like screaming non-napping babies, demanding toddlers that do not have their listening ears on, traffic jams and streets that don’t go straight have a toll on loving communication between couples. Wife may have used a voice at a louder than necessary decibel in one or more of the above stressful situations. However, to wife’s credit, she did apologize after Baby stopped screaming and finally gave in to the sleep fairy. Husband and Wife back on same team to tackle next whining or crying challenge.

10. Vacations are supposed to be fun and relaxing. Unless you bring your children. Then they are not.

OK so why do we, as parents, do this???

Because when there are moments of wonderful awe-filled goodness when Toddler reads books quiety in the car. When Toddler is playing so nicely with her friends at the rental house. When the girls without prompting, are having a tea party with their Polly Pocket dolls or twirling mightily to “Let it go!!!!”. When they squeal with delight at the sight of a giraffe or monkey at the zoo. When B

aby gets right up to the glass of a jaguar pacing back and forth. When the kids are frolicking at the park and picking wild flowers and insist of getting a bouquet of weeds for mom. The spontaneous laughs, giggles and smiles and memories they will have.